NaPoWriMo 9, appropriately square

The prompt is utterly unlike how I always have written.  It’s fantastic and exactly why I signed myself up for the NaPoWriMo Challenge.

Swimming differs from floating.
While a phantasm is floating, the octopus swims away.
Swimming strums the water.  Floating
gets wattled by the moon’s whims, a seaweed marionette.
Swimming jams past what jugs the floating.
The silvery school of prey flap and flash and startle by
swimming. Pumice, bad eggs are floating.

Being differs from yearning.
Bruises mend while saudade is lurking like that tome
being unfinished.  That recrement, yearning,
closes no distance and salves nothing itself.  My steps,
being crickets, sing their yearning
nightly for both more and less than what I am now,
being on the fringe and yearning.

I’m not terribly happy with my result.  I’m ok with the first half, but the latter falls flat to me.  I wrote myself into a corner.  Breaking the concrete could help.  I keep returning to Nathan Moore and Dana Guthrie Martin‘s happy accident of transliterating the same piece.  Putting those side-by-side on a large screen is inspiring.  I think I need to try transliterating to loosen my imagery.

Advertisements

8 responses to “NaPoWriMo 9, appropriately square

  1. Do it. It’s super fun. Everything we want to say can be read in tea leaves — only the leaves are other words. I believe this as much as I believe anything.

  2. I like what you did here, by the way.

  3. Transliteration is such fun and does force
    you to be looser with imagery.There is a transliterative flavour about your poem as if you have already transliterated it from another language.Don’t know how one can do that but I think you inadvertently might have!
    I hope we get one as a prompt.

  4. I like what you did here. If you think transliterating would be of help I say go for it. We did that as a prompt on RWP a while back and it was excellent!
    Pamela

  5. I am amazed at how many people were able to pull off this prompt. Well done.

  6. love how the first line sets the pace.. felt as if i was right along with you… yes, i too agree with your comments… curtain call

  7. Hey! I really like “being differs from yearning” — wise words.

  8. I’m happier with it today. Thank you all! The second stanza threw me for a loop.

    The first stanza came from “pumice” and the bad taste, eggs. I realized they both can float… It’s really incredible to me how the prompt pulled those together. That’s also my normal method, though. I latch onto an image. The image may fade away, but it sets a direction. Targeting transliteration, but not this weekend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s